If only...

[terrycloth]

By way of... several people, as most of these are.

If I were a stone, I'd totally rock.
If I were a tree, I'd probably just leave.
If I were a bird, I'd want to have wings made out of cotten puffs.
If I were an insect, I'd squish myself. Death to all insects!
If I were a machine, I'd at least have a warrantee.
If I were a tool, I'd -- oh, wait, I *am* a tool.
If I were a fruit I'd drip my juice all over you. [cough]
If I were a flower, I'd... yeah, a dandelion. I'd be a dandelion.
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be overcast with occasional sun-breaks.
If I were a mythical creature, my exploits would be legendary! And I'd have wings. Wings are essential. Everything else is details.
If I were a musical instrument, I'd totally rock.
If I were a kind of profession, I'd sign up for classes in me at the local community college.
If I were an animal, I'd be a squirrel, most likely.
If I were anything in the world, I'd still be jealous of everything else.
If I were a color, I'd go unnoticed. Like beige.
If I were a fragrance, I'd hopefully smell better.
If I were an emotion, I'd be vaguely annoyed.
If I were a state of mind, I'd be confused.
If I were a vegetable, I'd want you to kill me, if I was capable of thinking, which I wouldn't be.
If I were a sound, I'd vanish in an instant, leaving no echoes.
If I were an element, I'd be Carbon. 14.
If I were an Element, I'd represent laziness, annoyance, and jealousy, but would be described in glowing terms as resourceful, tolerant, and admiring, so that people would agree that they were me when I showed up as the answer to some silly web quiz.