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terryclothAnswering machine: "Please call us back at [14-digit number] and give us more information about your service problem."
Me: 14 digits? What the heck? That isn't a... oh, wait, this part in the middle is probably a mistake. Okay.
Service department: "Yes, we needed more information. Did you try turning off and turning on your modem?"
Me: "... yes."
Service department: "Please make sure your cordless phone is at least five feet from the modem."
Me: "I don't have a cordless phone. Do you mean the phone I'm using right now?"
Service department: "Yes, make sure the cordless phone you are using right now is at least five feet from the modem."
Me: "Er, it has a cord... but okay. Give me a minute."
[sounds of clattering as the answering machine and phone are balanced precariously on the edge of the sink, about five feet from the modem]
Me: "Still not working."
Service department: "Okay, let me reset the line. Please hold. There, is it working now?"
Me: "Nope."
Service department: "Please call back in four hours, and we'll be able to resolve your problem."
[four hours pass, watching the Full Metal Alchemist movie and a couple episodes of Angel]
Me: "Hi, they told me to call back in four hours?"
Service department: "Yes, it looks like the problem is with your phone line, so we'll have to schedule an appointment to have the phone company send a technician to inspect your phone box."
Me: "Didn't you already do that two days ago?"
Service department: "No, that was just them running some checks from the office. The results say they have to send a technician. That's why we needed you to wait four hours, to get the results back."
Me: "Okay, I'm free in the 12-4 blocks for the next couple days."
Service department: "Okay, let me set up an appointment..."
[15 minutes pass]
Service department: "The phone company says that they won't be able to send anyone to check your house until the 27th, that is Wednesday of next week. Until then you can use the 20 free hours of dial up to connect."
Me: "20 hours isn't going to last me a week... is there any way I could add a week of dial up service or something to tide me over?"
Service department: "Let me transfer you to the customer service representative, who should be able to process your request."
Customer service: "How are you?"
Me: "I'm a bit frazzled from spending all day on the line with or waiting for a call back from tech support. I just want to know if I can get extra dial-up time this month while I'm waiting for the tech."
Customer service: "Okay, I switched you back to dialup."
Me: "!! What? I still want DSL, I just wanted to add dialup for this month or something so that I'd have access during the week I was waiting for the technician to come check the line."
Customer service: "Well, this is the only way to give you unlimited dial-up time. Don't worry, there isn't a cancellation fee since it's within the first 30 days. You can switch back to DSL at any time."
Me: "Is this going to interrupt the trouble ticket I had open for the DSL line? Because that was the whole point of the delay."
Customer service: "Let me check... no, it won't affect that. Just be sure to call back and have them reinstate DSL."
Me: "... okay."
Customer service: "Are you satisfied with the service you've received?"
Me: "I suppose."
Gah. I give it a 50/50 chance that I just cancelled DSL, or that it'll work like the rep said. Well, and a smaller chance that they'll screw things up and I'll end up paying $1 an hour or a minute or something and I'll have to argue with them to reverse the charges after the fact. But not having DSL for a week isn't that bad if I have dial up, since I've been living with dial up forever.
Me: 14 digits? What the heck? That isn't a... oh, wait, this part in the middle is probably a mistake. Okay.
Service department: "Yes, we needed more information. Did you try turning off and turning on your modem?"
Me: "... yes."
Service department: "Please make sure your cordless phone is at least five feet from the modem."
Me: "I don't have a cordless phone. Do you mean the phone I'm using right now?"
Service department: "Yes, make sure the cordless phone you are using right now is at least five feet from the modem."
Me: "Er, it has a cord... but okay. Give me a minute."
[sounds of clattering as the answering machine and phone are balanced precariously on the edge of the sink, about five feet from the modem]
Me: "Still not working."
Service department: "Okay, let me reset the line. Please hold. There, is it working now?"
Me: "Nope."
Service department: "Please call back in four hours, and we'll be able to resolve your problem."
[four hours pass, watching the Full Metal Alchemist movie and a couple episodes of Angel]
Me: "Hi, they told me to call back in four hours?"
Service department: "Yes, it looks like the problem is with your phone line, so we'll have to schedule an appointment to have the phone company send a technician to inspect your phone box."
Me: "Didn't you already do that two days ago?"
Service department: "No, that was just them running some checks from the office. The results say they have to send a technician. That's why we needed you to wait four hours, to get the results back."
Me: "Okay, I'm free in the 12-4 blocks for the next couple days."
Service department: "Okay, let me set up an appointment..."
[15 minutes pass]
Service department: "The phone company says that they won't be able to send anyone to check your house until the 27th, that is Wednesday of next week. Until then you can use the 20 free hours of dial up to connect."
Me: "20 hours isn't going to last me a week... is there any way I could add a week of dial up service or something to tide me over?"
Service department: "Let me transfer you to the customer service representative, who should be able to process your request."
Customer service: "How are you?"
Me: "I'm a bit frazzled from spending all day on the line with or waiting for a call back from tech support. I just want to know if I can get extra dial-up time this month while I'm waiting for the tech."
Customer service: "Okay, I switched you back to dialup."
Me: "!! What? I still want DSL, I just wanted to add dialup for this month or something so that I'd have access during the week I was waiting for the technician to come check the line."
Customer service: "Well, this is the only way to give you unlimited dial-up time. Don't worry, there isn't a cancellation fee since it's within the first 30 days. You can switch back to DSL at any time."
Me: "Is this going to interrupt the trouble ticket I had open for the DSL line? Because that was the whole point of the delay."
Customer service: "Let me check... no, it won't affect that. Just be sure to call back and have them reinstate DSL."
Me: "... okay."
Customer service: "Are you satisfied with the service you've received?"
Me: "I suppose."
Gah. I give it a 50/50 chance that I just cancelled DSL, or that it'll work like the rep said. Well, and a smaller chance that they'll screw things up and I'll end up paying $1 an hour or a minute or something and I'll have to argue with them to reverse the charges after the fact. But not having DSL for a week isn't that bad if I have dial up, since I've been living with dial up forever.
