I am not depressed.
Nov. 3rd, 2002 09:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
terryclothI'm just not a very enthusiastic person. This has been amply pointed out to me at work (in years past, not recently; my current lead's known me for years), where two of my leads expressed 'concern' at my lack of spirit. So I explained to them that I'm just not into big displays of positive emotion, but YES I was happy, and YES I cared about the project, and NO I was not looking for another job.
So, if I say that everything is dark and bleak, it just means that it strikes me that way. And while I'd be lying if I said that I'm an island with no connection to the outside world, my mood is not completely or even primarily dictated by my environment. There's beauty in desolation and emptiness... I think the most beautiful thing I've ever seen was a huge abandoned quarry, with evil-looking rusting machinery silhouetted in the setting sun on the far side like some dark lord's castle.
My mood is, in fact, mostly dictated by the amount of hassle life inflicts on me, which means that, by and large, I have two moods: 'annoyed' and 'content'.
And if I seem to be saying that humanity is not worth saving... well, isn't that the central premise of Christianity? Hmm. Two song quotes:
Ani DiFranco (I think):
You say you're not worthy,
I have to say I agree.
I'm not worthy of you,
you're not worthy of me.
We're just as deserving --
look at the human race.
Hold the planet at arm's length.
We don't deserve this place.
and Five Iron Frenzy... er... I can't actually quote the song, because you really need the whole thing, but 'Dandelion' off 'Quantity is Job 1'. In short, comparing human efforts to be righteous with a little kid handing his mother a boquet of dandelions. They're worthless, inherently, but God loves them anyway because he loves us.
Not that I necessarily believe in God. I don't really believe in belief and disbelief.
But anyway, it doesn't matter if we're not worthy, everyone grades on a curve.
And I do want to blow up the world. More than anything. I don't particularly want it to be blown up afterwards, though, because that would kind of suck. I've just never felt that possibility should restrain your ambitions.
So, if I say that everything is dark and bleak, it just means that it strikes me that way. And while I'd be lying if I said that I'm an island with no connection to the outside world, my mood is not completely or even primarily dictated by my environment. There's beauty in desolation and emptiness... I think the most beautiful thing I've ever seen was a huge abandoned quarry, with evil-looking rusting machinery silhouetted in the setting sun on the far side like some dark lord's castle.
My mood is, in fact, mostly dictated by the amount of hassle life inflicts on me, which means that, by and large, I have two moods: 'annoyed' and 'content'.
And if I seem to be saying that humanity is not worth saving... well, isn't that the central premise of Christianity? Hmm. Two song quotes:
Ani DiFranco (I think):
You say you're not worthy,
I have to say I agree.
I'm not worthy of you,
you're not worthy of me.
We're just as deserving --
look at the human race.
Hold the planet at arm's length.
We don't deserve this place.
and Five Iron Frenzy... er... I can't actually quote the song, because you really need the whole thing, but 'Dandelion' off 'Quantity is Job 1'. In short, comparing human efforts to be righteous with a little kid handing his mother a boquet of dandelions. They're worthless, inherently, but God loves them anyway because he loves us.
Not that I necessarily believe in God. I don't really believe in belief and disbelief.
But anyway, it doesn't matter if we're not worthy, everyone grades on a curve.
And I do want to blow up the world. More than anything. I don't particularly want it to be blown up afterwards, though, because that would kind of suck. I've just never felt that possibility should restrain your ambitions.
